Appreciating our inclusive secular community
Published July 26, 2011 | 
It was wonderful to have so many families come together for Dale McGowans, “Parenting Beyond Belief” Seminar last weekend. It wasn’t a large crowd but I think the participants were glad know that there is now a place for families who are looking for support outside of a religious community.
Not everyone was looking ONLY for a community outside of religion. Some were just families that might continue to enjoy their religious community and traditions, but they still enjoy the kind of discussion that open-minded people can hold that other communities cannot.
In a secular community you are free to ask any questions. There truly aren’t any dumb questions because that’s what we do. We question traditions and re-evaluate their value and validity. Some traditions are carried on even after new information is learned. Questioning traditions doesn’t automatically mean that they are no longer useful, instead they might become more meaningful or enhanced to meet the needs of families today. But if those traditions are found to be damaging, you better believe they will be …left behind.
Thank you, secular community, for being so awesome!
Talk about heaven…
Published July 4, 2011 | It might seem comforting, in the short run, to tell your child that their pet that died will go to heaven and someday we’ll all meet there. But do you know that to be true? Are you ok with telling your child what amounts to a lie (you don’t know it to be true so…)?
When I was younger all I knew were answers to questions via my religious upbringing. Questions about death, life, and fairy tale stories such as Santa, elves, leprechauns, etc. come up often when you have small children who are just learning about their world. Though religion was all I had ever known I felt uncomfortable telling my children that these myths were true but I didn’t know how else to answer their questions and yet keep their childhood enjoyment alive. I answered many of these questions with statements like, “some people believe…, what do YOU think?”
Of course their childhood fantastical thinking wanted to imagine the exotic myths. But we talked about other things pointing out to each other what was real (Dad working, playing with your brothers, hugging Grandma) and what was fun and imaginary (cartoons, TV shows, fairies, etc.). When it came time for them to question the reality of Santa and the Easter Bunny they didn’t have trouble accepting the fact that they weren’t real but just a fun thing to imagine when they were little.
But life and death is a much more serious matter. And I think that what you believe about life and death has a much greater impact on what you do today, now, while you are alive and have the ability to make a difference.
I think that the way I handled teaching my children about other fantastical ideas gave them the tools to think for themselves. It’s ok to have imagination. It’s not ok to let your imagination get so carried away that you forget the human life is real, and mortal. That ending a life means just that. Appreciate and respect the life that is all around you while it is here because if you don’t, you won’t have another chance.
Every family has to figure out what works for them in how to talk to their own children about matters such as death. Only you know your children and you own personality. Taking the time to think about other ways you can respond to your childrens questions and talking to other parents about how they handled these discussions, helps tremendously.
In the end, honesty and critical thinking skills will get them further than seriously believing in something that no one knows to be true. Value the life that you have now and when it ends, think about all of the beautiful things that life was able to experience while it was here.
Want to know more? Come to our seminar July 16 where Dale McGowan will discuss talking about death with your children and much more. http://secularfamilynetwork.com
Have you met me already?
Published July 1, 2011 | It’s getting closer and lots of families are getting excited!
In two weeks author and parent Dale McGowan will be sharing his ideas about non-religious parenting in a very religious world at a seminar at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Pensacola. The seminar is sponsored by the Secular Family Network. Register online or at the seminar, 10:00 am-2:00 pm, July 16.
Imagine being a religious liberal or non-religious and living in an extremely conservative area. Now imagine what it must be like for families trying to raise their children to be moral, inquisitive and thoughtful people and doing that without the support from a similar-minded community.
But these families are not alone. The SFN is growing and welcomes new members. Raising kids really does require support from your community. Those that haven’t yet found that community are now finding it with the Seclular Family Network. SFN offers weekly play dates, monthly game/movie nights and parenting discussion groups. Parents and grandparents are finding comfort in receiving and giving support to each other.
You may know other secular families and just didn’t realize it. That’s what we are finding out. Our neighbors, co-workers and educational acquaintances are searching for the community they have not yet found. Come to the seminar and learn the true story of secular parenting and secular parents. Join a really great group of families with children of all ages.
You are NOT alone.
How can children be taught moral behavior without religion?
Published June 15, 2011 | This was taken directly from the PBB Media Kit for Dale McGowan’s Seminar, July 16.
(“Parenting Beyond Belief”-Dale McGowan) The chapter titled “Being and Doing Good” is devoted to this very topic. Behaving morally makes sense, and most people behave well for sensible reasons—even if they think they are relying on commandments. Psychologist Dr. Jean Mercer contributed an essay describing the six stages of moral development. Children are more likely to move to the higher levels of development and to retain a more nuanced and reliable moral sense if they learn the reasonable principles of ethical behavior than if they rely on parental or scriptural authority.
Respecting religious beliefs of those around us–prayer
Published June 10, 2011 | There are some religious practices that aren’t really religious practices at all but just ways to show respect, albeit sometimes in a religious way. Prayer at dinner time is one of those practices that seem to be completely religious but don’t necessarily have to be so.
No matter what the religion, prayer at dinner time is a commonly practiced tradition. Joseph Campbell suggested that ancient man saw life leaving the animal that was slaughtered for food and man was grateful to the animal for giving it’s live to feed his family. This is a form of prayer.
As a non-believer in supernatural beings, I am very thankful, to my husband for working to provide the food that feeds our family. I am grateful to the family that helped me work to prepare the meal and I’m certainly thankful if they stick around and help me clean it up! So when someone in my family chooses to administer a meal time prayer, I respectfully offer my own “prayer” of thankful thoughts, and perhaps even words, to those that participated in the meal making and even the enjoyment. Because there’s nothing like preparing a meal and then seeing all of the happy faces as they enjoy the food.
Don’t get me wrong. You may say that this looks and sounds just like religious prayer if you are simply joining in with those that are participating in religious prayer. I think that you should make it clear to your spouse that you are not joining in on religious prayer and explain to them how it is you are participating. You don’t have to be militant about it. You can do so respectfully. The point is that we do want to find ways to work things out. Enjoy being a family and put aside differences when you can. Enjoy life.
FAMILY SUPPORT GROUP TO HOST SEMINAR JULY 16
Published June 8, 2011 | with author of “Parenting Beyond Belief”, Dale McGowan
Parenting is difficult and no one should have to do it alone. That’s why the Secular Family Network was formed as a support group and is sponsoring a seminar with Dale McGowan, author of “Parenting Beyond Belief” and “Raising Freethinkers.”
The seminar begins at 10:00 am and goes until 2:00 pm, Saturday, July 16, and is being held at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Pensacola. The cost of the seminar is $20 per adult and is open to the public with paid registration. Interested parents, grandparents, family members, and care givers can register online at secularfamilynetwork.com. Childcare will be available upon request. Participants can register at the door but must preregister by July 9 if childcare is needed.
McGowan will cover topics such as developing active moral reasoning, weighing church-state issues in the public sphere, addressing sensitive issues with religious relatives using the principles of nonviolent communication, developing a healthy understanding of death and a joyful love of life, and building a family atmosphere of fearless questioning and boundless wonder.
The Secular Family Network formed in 2010 with a group of parents and grandparents who were interested in forming a community of families wanting to raise caring and moral children. The group offers regular playgroups for preschoolers and a monthly discussion group for parents. For more information about SFN email secularfamilynetwork@gmail.com.
A child’s natural curiosity…it’s a beautiful world.
Published May 10, 2011 | As a young mother I struggled to find the best way to teach my babies right from wrong, good from bad. Not because I didn’t know these things myself, but because I had been raised to think that those lessons could only come from within the pages of an historic text. I struggled because within those pages I found many contradictions that I did not feel were appropriate lessons to teach my children.
In the beginning, like many new mothers, I chose the nice stories that had been told to me as I was growing up. We read about Jesus’s birth, the story of Jesus in the temple as a boy, Noah’s Ark, all of the traditional stories. But a parent reads these things differently than a child does and I began to question the value of these stories. I came to realize that my children were not born with sin, but instead were born with an eager curiosity, wanting to know everything they could know about the world they live in.
My children got into mischief, just like all kids, curiosity can do that. I stayed home with my children so I almost always knew what they were getting into. I guided them to think about how their actions affected others as well as themselves. This seems to have worked quite well as my children have grown up to be considerate and caring young adults now.
I have no regrets about teaching them to be both very curious and conscious of their actions in the world. As a mother I am instinctively driven to do whatever I need to do to help my offspring become the best and the strongest they can be. I know I have made many mistakes, parents are just human, too. Hopefully my children’s resilience will see them through, and they will encourage curiosity and consciousness in their children as well some day.
I found many religious traditions to be counter-productive to my goals as a mother. I began to look for other sources and community for support in this endeavor. I also found traditional religion to be less than supportive of allowing children to ask questions and seek answers about the world in which they lived. To replace this community I found good, moral, support from some of the nicest people I have ever met–other parents, like myself, taking lessons from our everyday lives, trying to do good for everyone and practicing “Love-first.”
Parents today have more resources than ever before. There are many new secular parenting groups forming across the globe. You can find a few of the groups listed HERE and there are tons of “how-to” parenting books available to learn more about raising caring and moral kids. You can join us online or at our meetups. Ask questions because that is the only way you will know the answers.
Coming soon…
Published April 19, 2011 | I will begin posting about events, parenting ideas and news that could affect the secular family this summer.
I will be inviting other parents to guest post so if you are interested, please email me and let me know. You can find contact forms on here at various locations. Keep your posts family friendly and aimed at an audience that is interested in positive ideas and challenges about raising kids. Challenges are also a part of the whole parenting experience and many could also learn from your challenges.
For now, I will post a few links to various conversations and other sites:
http://secularoutpost.infidels.org/2006/05/shrinking-secular-family.html
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110325075300AAP4JSq
http://forums.families.com/raising-children-in-a-non-religious-family,t113064
and from a religious Jewish family learning how to interact with their non-religious family members: http://www.beyondbt.com/2006/01/16/on-relating-to-our-non-religious-family/
Welcome to Secular Family Network
Published February 23, 2011 | The Secular Family Network is a group of parents who are interested in supporting each other in their efforts to raise caring and moral children without regard to religion.
Have you questioned the commercializing and politicizing of morals and values? We believe that all parents strive to do the best for their children and want to help them learn to grow up to be good people. Join us for playgroups and discussions about matters of raising kids. We’re a friendly group of people helping each other.
Member parents and guest bloggers who are intersted in blogging about their experiences may do so here with permission from the website administrator. If you are interested in submitting a post for consideration please submit a brief introduction and some information about the content or idea of the topic you would like to post.
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